My Struggle
I took my time to figure out
The way that I should feel
Because at the moment I have no concept
Of the things that might be real.
The thoughts I have are dark and vague
I don’t really know what’s true
It passes after a few minutes
And I don’t know what to do.
It’s hard to know how I should feel
I guess I must have forgot
Because when I over think things
I tend to lose the plot.
These empty thoughts I have
Have become a guide of mine
They make me feel down and out
I hoped they’d go with time.
The healing process never ends
It’s hard for me to cope
Knowing that it’s here to stay
Feeling there’s no hope.
I look around when I’m alone
And wonder what’s to live for
But that thought only lasts for seconds
I couldn’t put them through the horror.
I don’t know what to feel at times
I even forget to smile
I don’t even trust my own emotions
Honestly, I haven’t for a while.
It’s hard to see the light at the end
When the darkness does not care
It seems that where I shine my light
The darkness has beat me there.
Darkness Drains The Rainbow
Darkness drains the rainbow,
No colours left to see.
What once was love and laughter,
Has dwindled to debris.
Once a golden sunshine,
A ray of light to some.
Now belongs to loneliness,
Nothing left to overcome.
When flowers lose their petals,
And their stems begin to fold.
Life has started to fade away,
You’re no longer brave and bold.
Clouds gather around your soul,
Where happiness once blossomed.
You slowly walk right to the edge,
You can barely see the bottom.
Your thoughts have gone, your mind is blank,
How has it come to this?
One more step is all it takes,
To enter eternal bliss.
Your body’s at ease and your conscience rests,
There’s nothing left on earth.
This was always your destiny,
For whatever it was worth.
Until that last second comes,
And you’re finally pulled away.
To realise how much you’re loved,
And thought about each day.
It’s true that friendship is golden,
Even when we think its not,
The real people come to your rescue,
Even through the rot.
The time it’s taken to tell you this,
Is my fault and mine alone.
But I thank you both my brothers,
For truly bringing me home.
Midnight Cough
Woke up middle of the night
Coughing so hard
I can taste the blood
On my tongue
Confirmed when I
Stumble to the bathroom
Spit in the sink.
Something quite joyful
Seeing claret spit bubbles
On the white porcelain.
Sit and watch my DNA
Slide down the drain
Another piece of me gone.
Back to bed
Lay there just waiting
For death to take me
But he just sits in the corner
Wagging his finger
Watching me suffer alone.
Honey, I’m home!
That gut wrenching moment
Like a twisted dagger in my side
I walked through the bedroom door
My whole body is ravished immediately with rage
And I just lost it.
Out of control and out of my mind.
Not thinking or bothered by the consequences.
I pour myself a double vodka
Light a cigarette
And leave the mess for someone else to clean up.
Left beaten
They knocked for me
When I was 10
Pretended to be my friend
It started well
We were having fun
Telling jokes
Skipping stones
Climbing trees.
Then they turned
The three of them
Took their turn
To push and punch me
To the floor.
Kicked me
Stabbed me
Then pissed on me
Left me there
Under the acorn tree
Alien Buddha Press 